She’s A Bad Day

I think of her on the bad days
The grey days that seem to fog my body with self hatred
The days these fingers don’t feel worthy of hands-
No hands to hold onto
The days there’s no home to hide in

I think of her on the bad days
The days rain clouds my eyelids with lonely defeat
The days my feet seem to hit the ground heavy-
Heavy hearts are hard to pump clean
The days when my hopes seem too distant to reach

I think of her on the bad nights
The charcoaled-soul nights that sing through me when I attempt sleep
The nights my lungs struggle to breathe-
Breathing deeply does not dissolve misery
The nights there’s no company to keep

I think of her on the bad nights
The quiet nights that allow my thoughts to run in circles of past pathetic emotions
The nights my head tells my heart to stop feeling so much and my heart tells me head to stop thinking so much-I think too much and, my heart, it feels too much
The nights where future me is still lonely

I no longer think of her on the good days
The bright days that fly by with a smile
The days I am company enough to keep myself happy
I keep telling myself these good days are “me”
Even though she used to be my happiness
She is now my worst days and somber nights
She is no longer
Good for me