When I’m feeling like things are just a little too much, I like to sink away into my bedroom and wrap myself in any blankets I can grab, curl up in my bed, and cuddle my pillows. I escape the madness only to lay on a cloud-like rectangle with a marshmallow comforter and (recently) a heated blanket. It’s quiet in my room, with only vague noises of people talking on the street outside my window. It’s filled with paintings I’ve created and paintings other people have given me. A tapestry hangs over my bed and I’ll fall into a trance, staring at the geometric shapes that eventually all blend into one, depending on how long I gaze. There’s something overwhelmingly soothing about laying flat on your back. It’s like the force of the stressors has driven me too far and I can’t help but lay down–but it’s not letting them win, it’s not giving up. Giving up would be breaking down, freaking out, yelling, stressing, and having an anxious, gut eating feeling. Instead of making myself sick with worrying, I choose to lay there and breathe: taking everything in and blowing everything out. After a while of laying in a bed as comfortable as mine, no one can be angry or worried about anything.
Sometimes though, my bed is not an option. Maybe there’s a risk of someone coming into my room and disturbing my daydreaming state of being. Or maybe there’s people talking too loudly in my living room. Regardless of the reason, if I am ever not able to get away from it all by escaping to my bed, I choose the shower.
In the shower, no one bothers me because of the simple fact that I am in the shower. No one comes to have a conversation with me, ask me their opinion, try and make me think, and it’s not like I can take my phone in there so contacting me is limited. The shower, when the water is warm enough, is one of the best escapes a girl can find: standing there with hot water dripping down my back, steam clouding around my face, and the sound of water hitting the tub floor. Whenever I feel a good tear shedding session coming on, the shower is my go to. This eliminates the wet, red, crying face because my whole body is wet and a little red from water that some people would consider to be too hot.
Sometimes, I simply don’t feel like explaining myself. Sometimes, I don’t even know why I’m upset, but I am. That’s when I go to the shower. I guess I literally wash everything off of me. I let go of anything that’s giving me a hard time, letting it fall through the drain with the tornado of water that can’t get down into the pipes fast enough.