bitter tongue

i can’t get the bitterness off of my tongue.

it’s stuck there with my overanalyzed, unshared thoughts that only get jotted onto paper, but never run through anyone else’s eyes.

the bitterness bothers me but after three years i haven’t managed to let it fade away.

it hasn’t stopped me from feeling like i deserved that title more than her,

but what she had that i didn’t was “best friends.”

i’ve never been the type to cling to anyone.

i like to roam,

like to get to know everyone so i can learn everything,

letting me choose my own relationships.

best friends create boundaries i was never willing to stay in.

you know, she’s running for Prom Queen, too.

like, in that very instant, i would change my mind.

like i would drop my paper along with my jaw and say,

i give up! she is obviously going to win! she deserves this.

like, why would i even try?

after all, she was my friend.

the boundary they set was supposed to make me fill in the line with her name,

but to this day i never understood why it couldn’t be the other way around.

like i was her friend but she was not mine.

but then again, if one of them won then they all did; reason for them all to run as one.

truth is, i could have cared less about the crown.

i never liked glittery things.

even when i was little i would pick the matte blue folder over the Lisa Frank pink shiny poster.

crowns and tiaras never interested me.

until every diamond represented everything they loved and everyone they had ever hurt.

all through high school i sat quiet.

being their friend simply because there was no one else to choose from.

my guy friends wanted more girls around, so i did it to please them.

the administrators loved them.

let them skip out of class for no reason; it was all in their name.

they claim they didn’t give it to themselves,

but yet, no one else understood what the “PD” meant.

it’s something only they knew and no one else could ever become.

they thought highly of themselves.

higher than anyone else did, in fact.

made sure they made an appearance at every party.

didn’t want to stay too long though.

that meant they might actually make friends other than themselves.

(what a crazy concept).

such seclusion never should have won.

winners are supposed to please the masses,

and there are massive amounts of times i wanted to spit stupid off my tongue, directing it right at them.

double polo tuesdays.

pajama pants mondays.

weareachothersclothes wednesdays…or whatever it was it.

i didn’t understand it.

probably why i wasn’t a part of it.

and i guess she fit the role more than me.

dressed in jeans and a white tee daily,

a tiara wouldn’t match.

i don’t sparkle out loud.

i quietly please.

and that night i was pleading for her to lose.

not because i wanted to win,

but because i wanted them to get a taste of their own medicine.


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